I, Captain BraidBeard, fierce Pirate of the Seven Seas, do type this letter and place it in this here bottle in hopes you will find it, and read its contents.
If you're reading this, you've not only found this here bottle, but you've also learned to read! I congratulate you. It is no small feat to turn a word into a sound, into a meaning in your head. Reading is magic! Now if only I knew were I was!
Irving Benjamin Braidbeard